Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
