and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Bring me that man meat
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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