I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
