Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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