My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize