so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My ass is underappreciated
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize