bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
