no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
