I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
