I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
