He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
