i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
