My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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