I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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