I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
