His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
