Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
