And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The Olympian is in my bed
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
