My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize