She's JV to your varsity
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
