Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
