oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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