Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
