So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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