I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize