it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize