quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
