I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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