Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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