apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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