i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
