Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
