Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
