508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
