The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
