Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
