Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
