I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
