I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
