oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
