dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize