we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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