I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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