I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
