before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
