whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
