You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
