i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
