Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
