RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
