So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
