If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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