I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize