Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
