If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
