Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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