You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
