What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish you could order shots online.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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