she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
