I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
