Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
