Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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