It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
