My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
