how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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