Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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