I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
