Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
