It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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