Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
