Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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