i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
