She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
