Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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