I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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