I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
