guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
