I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
