She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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