so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
