Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
40s are totally the cure
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
