Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
