Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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