47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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