And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
