went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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