life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize