So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
