Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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