guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
