There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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