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You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
