I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
