He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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