HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
