Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
