Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
