would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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