There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You are the jesus of drinking
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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